I’m doing it all wrong.

I realize I’m supposed to write series and what is popular today, but I can’t seem to do that. I do have my young adult sci fi series, but I also write different genres.

And guess what I’ve gone and done now?

I’ve published a joke book. I’ve been collecting jokes all my life, and then one day I decided to put them together into a book.

I love jokes. I love hearing and telling them. I had a dentist who would tell me a joke while my mouth unthawed. When I was in Australia, I found that if you get an Aussie drunk, he tells jokes. I just wrote them down.

I should warn you that most of my jokes are adult content.

You can find the paperback on Amazon here, but the ebook won’t be available until next week.
https://www.amazon.com/Joke-Aholic-Jokes-that-Make-Laugh/dp/1096705370/ref=sr_1_3?crid=4Z6J4RDQR033&keywords=patty+lesser&qid=1563807371&s=gateway&sprefix=patty+le%2Caps%2C148&sr=8-3

I’m halfway through correcting the proofreader’s edits for my murder mystery.

What do you think of the cover?

​It’s about a legal secretary and her difficult life at a Toronto law firm. Suddenly some co-workers go missing and then later found brutally stabbed to death. There are many suspects, but the killer can’t be found.

I don’t know if you are aware how important are Amazon reviews. I really appreciate you reading my books, but I’d be grateful if you could write a review and post it on Amazon. It doesn’t have to be literary or long. Just a few words about what you thought would be great. Thanks!

Have fun,
Patty

I love playing poker. Actually, I think I’m addicted. I’ve been playing online at Pokerstars.com since 2005. I started playing just for chips to learn how to play. I read a few poker books and watched many tournaments on TV.

A few years later, I changed to play for money. Initially, I played the $1 or $2 tournaments. I never won but had fun.

In time, I played the $7.50 Sit & Go of a maximum of 180 players. The tournament takes about 4 or so hours to play. I did well and made it often to the money round so at least broke even. I did place higher sometimes and did make some money.

I played in a $7.50 tournament with over 3,000 players and I placed 2nd and won $2,100.

I played in a $11 tournament with over 3,000 people and I placed 3rd and I won $4,000.

After I moved to Brantford and found the casino, I played in a couple of tournaments. Buy-in was $160. Unfortunately, I lost out both times (did place better than half) before the money. I loved playing live but I needed experience.

The casino changed hands and now they’re no longer hosting any more tournaments because they don’t have enough staff, so they said, which is of course unfortunate.

But two weeks ago, a friend who always helps me out suggested a website. On it are all the events going on around Brantford. There’s so much going on that I didn’t know about.

And one of those events was poker. There’s a group who play at a bar about a 5 minute drive from my house. They play on every Saturday at 2 pm, and also during the week but the tourney starts at 7 pm and that’s too late for me.

So, I’ve been playing every Saturday. It’s absolutely wonderful to play again and these people play for points not money so doesn’t cost me anything to play and therefore I can learn how to play. Playing live poker is so different from playing online. I came 4th out of 14 the first time I played with them.

The next week, I came out to play. Everyone was a little friendlier and I had a good time.

At our table, people are playing anything and it’s a relaxing atmosphere. But then this young serious poker guy was moved to our table. He immediately took control because he had the most chips, and he made a lot of high bets.

We were in a hand together. I had King Queen and the flop came 9, 7, and 6. He made a huge bet and I folded of course. He flipped his cards showing he had Jack Queen so my hand would have beaten his.

A few hands later, we were again together betting against each other. I had 8 and 6. The flop came 3, 5 and 7. He bet something and I called. The next card was a 9 and I had a straight. He bet a lot again and of course I called. The river was the 6 and I still had a straight. He couldn’t have a hand to beat me.

And what happened? Didn’t he go all in which of course I called. Everyone at the table was shocked to see I won. I got a lot of props for that.

A few hands later, he said to me, “Nice hand.”
I said, “Thanks for going all-in.”

I came 3rd in that tourney but I would have come 2nd if I hadn’t been stupid and fold a winning hand. I’m learning.

Have you heard about my poker novel: The Perfect Hand? It’s about 5 poker buddies who uncover a conspiracy caused by a religious fanatic. The novel reveals many poker secrets and takes you on a fun ride.

You can get it at Amazon at:
https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Hand-Patty-Lesser/dp/1517482909/ref=sr_1_8?keywords=patty+lesser&qid=1557848900&s=gateway&sr=8-8

​Have fun,
Patty

​Have I got news!

Polishing up the last chapter and then I’ve finished my new novel. It’s a murder mystery that takes place in a legal firm in Toronto, Ontario. I don’t have a title yet. 

worked at a few law firms as a legal secretary off and on for 9 years. I know a lot about law firms, especially the legal secretaries who are noisy, cliquey and continuously gossip.

I always wanted to write a book about a law firm, but I needed a plot. One day it came to me to write a murder mystery and brutally murder those secretaries I disliked. Sound good?

​The narrator takes you on an adventure to determine who is the serial killer. 

The second and greater piece of news is that the sequel to That Truthful Place has been published. The Gift of Thoran takes the kids to a moon in a far away galaxy where they hone their telepathic abilities.

An alien invasion. Check. Teenagers with supernatural powers. Check. The world hanging in the balance. Check. And Double Check!

In this sequel to Book One of the Coma Kids Series, a group of ten teenagers with extraordinary powers are rescued from the dangerous restrictions on Earth by an advanced race of aliens (the Thorans) who have bestowed upon them gifts of telepathy and telekinesis – the ability to move physical objects by thought.

The Thorans fly them to a moon orbiting their planet where they are encouraged to develop their powers. Here they meet five other groups of kids from different species, and learn to work together to face numerous challenges: From fighting off the Yarm, a space creature who eats all vegetation leaving planets barren, to overcoming a life-threatening illness, to aliens who attempt to enslave them.

Through their various trials the kids become stronger, and are able to do amazing things with their minds. But will it be enough to save the planet and the galaxy from being destroyed by evil aliens?

You can purchase it on Amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Thoran-Teenagers-Supernatural-Invaders-ebook/dp/B07QQN5MJG/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=patty+lesser&qid=1556895859&s=gateway&sr=8-1
​
Have fun,
Patty
​

Imagine being with me in a room full of dogs. If you don’t know already, I love animals and especially dogs. I drive my friends nuts when I stop and pat every dog I meet because I can’t pass by a dog without talking to it. The owner usually thinks I’m talking to them but I explain that I was actually talking to their dog.

On Friday, March 1st, I volunteered with the SPCA (animal shelter). They held a $25 microchip and rabies vaccines clinic. Over 100 dogs and cats came into the clinic.

Now imagine how it would be with 20 people in the room all as crazy about dogs as me. Every time a dog squealed from getting the microchip, everyone immediately turned to look with worried faces, hoping the dog was okay.

Every dog that came in got oohs and aws from everyone in the room. We had 2 gorgeous Great Danes who stole the show. They were magnificent. A massive Mastiff arrived and blew us away. A few huskies appeared as well as a few rottis and labs. Lots of Shitzus. A 10 week old Golden Retriever puppy (my favourite breed and the puppy I’m going to get) caused everyone to fall on the ground. Was she ever sweet. I had to contain myself not to grab her and run out the door!

The Brantford SPCA is run by kids. Sorry kids for me because they are all young women in their 20s. It takes a lot of dedication and love of animals to work for the SPCA. And yes it’s a lot of hard work, and they worked hard at the clinic. They really knew well how to handle animals. I was so impressed with them. Every animal was extremely well treated.

These young women organize numerous clinics for the public as well as fundraising affairs. Each event is well organized and everybody has a lot of fun volunteering with them. These women know animals. It’s amazing to watch them handling someone’s beloved pet. I have nothing but respect for them and, because of that, I will continue volunteering for them.
​

Early April, I will be publishing the sequel to That Truthful Place, the Gift of Thoran. I only recommend it to someone who begs for something unique. The Gift of Thoran is my homage to the Star Trek series. I always wanted to write a Star Trek episode.
​
In the Gift of Thoran, the kids travel to a moon in another galaxy. They must struggle to survive as many challenges are put in their way. They meet 5 other species from 5 other galaxies and they all must learn to work together to succeed.

I would be pleased to forward a pdf copy to anyone who would agree to write me a review on Amazon. Please email me at patty@pattylesser.com and, when the novel has been formatted, I will send you a copy.

That Truthful Place has been professional formatted now so if you’ve downloaded it, I would be pleased to forward you that version. Please email me at patty@pattylesser.com and I will send it to you.

​Have a great day,
Patty

Important and urgent news!

I have greatly improved That Truthful Place and it has now been professionally formatted. If you have already downloaded it, I would be thrilled to forward the new version. Please email me at patty@pattylesser.com and I will send it to you.

For those of you who'd like to read a free book, please go to my Home page.

​That Truthful Place also has a new cover. What do you think?

​The sequel to That Truthful Place has been completed and now proofread. I have to read through the novel and make the corrections, but it’s taking some time. I hope to have The Gift of Thoran, A Space Novel about Teenagers with Supernatural Powers Who Fight Off Alien Invaders As the Galaxy Hangs in the Balance for you in February.

Now for some other great news.

I just spent 10 days in Jamaica from January 7th to 16th. I stayed at the Iberostar Rose Hall Beach resort in Montego Bay. Yes, an all-inclusive and I’d never go any other way.

I did everything I planned to do: read (someone else’s book), swim in the pool (which was perfect), suntan (yes I have a good tan but in this cold, I don’t think it will last long), eat (there were 4 great restaurants) and drink (3 sips and I’m drunk).

Every morning, I was settled near the pool. I led a good life, doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I didn’t have to live by the clock (though there were specific times for dinner).

It was a restful vacation, which I needed being so burnt out. Because of that trip, I feel like a new person.

It was an excellent resort: the staff are amazing, it’s very clean, being all-inclusive makes it a lot of fun and it has everything you needed. I didn’t go off the resort but hope to next time.

​Yes, I want to go back so planning to return there next year at the same time. I met lots of wonderful people who go back every year at the same time. I have joined their group and looking forward to seeing them next year.

Well, back to work.

​Have fun,
Patty

In 1995, I was in a Hamilton psychiatric hospital to receive treatment and I met this really great woman. We shared a common bond with what we were going through, and we became close friends. She is native and, after being released back into the world, I visited her home on the reserve many times. I got to know her wonderful husband and their 3 great kids: 2 girls and a boy.

A few years later, I moved to Toronto and we lost touch.

After 15 years, I returned to Hamilton and I looked for Sharon. Every time I met a native person from the Six Nations reserve I would ask if they knew Sharon and Shane, but no one did.

When I moved to Brantford and, while volunteering at the hospital, I met 3 native women and I asked them if they knew her but they didn’t, but they suggested I put an ad in their local newspaper, which I did. I asked if anyone knew Sharon and Shane and their 3 kids, and left my email.

The day the newspaper issue came out, I got an email from Hayley saying, “I think you’re looking for my mom,” and she gave me Sharon’s phone number.
​
So, after 22 years, we are friends again, and the reserve is only a 20 minute drive from where I live.
 
I have some great news. The sequel to That Truthful Place is finished. I have sent the novel to my proofreader and will get it back by the end of November. I’ll then make the corrections and read it over a couple of times before I publish it.

The sequel, Season of Days, takes place on a moon in a far away galaxy. The children meet species from other galaxies and communicate through telepathy. Their telepathic abilities improve over time, and they are able to accomplish almost any task by using their minds.

The children are challenged by a dangerous space creature and aggressive aliens who try to enslave the children. Also, one species develops an illness prevalent on their planet that threatens to destroy them. Together, with the other species, they fight to withstand these disasters.

Season of Days is my homage to Star Trek. I always wanted to write a Star Trek episode so this is my offering to the genre.

I’ll let you know when it’s available on Amazon.

Have fun,
Patty

As you may remember, I lost my poor Kira in June. It was tough losing your first dog, but she was dying and I didn’t want her to suffer.
​
I have grown up with dogs (first a Schnauzer, then a yellow Lab, and finally two Golden Retrievers); I worked in a private kennel for a year (and, yes, I cleaned up after lots of dogs); Years ago, I volunteered with the Hamilton SPCA and now I volunteer with the Brantford SPCA, taking the dogs for a walk. My new volunteer opportunity is fostering Golden Retrievers through Golden Rescue.

​Golden Rescue is a wonderful organization run solely by volunteers. The ones I’ve dealt with so far have been fantastic as we conquered the many stages I need to get through to foster the dogs. They all obviously love dogs, and especially Goldens.

And I need my dog fix, but I’m not yet ready for commitment. I still need to be free so adopting a new dog is not yet right for me, which is the reason why I contacted Golden Rescue. After a representative came and checked out my house and fenced-in backyard, my application has been accepted. I will get my first dog soon and I can’t wait!

 Goldens are my favourite breed because they best match my personality: I’m bubbly and happy most of the time and, if I had a tail, it would be up and wagging all the time, too. Goldens need one good, long walk every day, and I need to walk more so it will be good for me to get back into walking when I have a dog.

Goldens are sweet, calm and good natured dogs. They are smart and easy to train compared to other breeds. Goldens just want to be loved and they give lots of love in return. The dogs I’ll be getting will be housetrained and probably trained to do most things. Goldens aren’t the type of dog to bark much or destroy property. The dog may have some behavioural problems but with love, patience and discipline, you can easily train a Golden.

I will only have each dog for a few weeks or so at a time, and then it will be adopted. The dog is brought to my house by a volunteer. The new parent comes to my house to pick up the dog. I will be keeping a diary of the dog’s behaviours to help place the dog and to find good new owners to match the dog.

You don’t have to worry about me becoming attached to these foster dogs because they will all be mature dogs. My next dog will be a Golden puppy, actually two puppies. (I think animals are better in pairs.)

And they have to be puppies. But I have to be ready for at least a three year commitment to train and discipline them. (Once dogs are three, most puppy problems are gone.)

I’m not ready for puppies; maybe in a year or two. (I won’t be fostering any puppies because I wouldn’t be able to give them up.) In the meantime, I’ll foster adult dogs and enjoy my time with them. Winter is coming which is my least favourite season, but watching a dog roll and play in the snow makes winter worth it.

I’ll write about my first foster soon and I hope you are interested. I’m so excited.

​Have fun,
Patty

Have you ever been conned? Ever believed that fake email that your computer has a problem that only they can fix? What about a phone call for cleaning ducts or a problem with your furnace? Or that email or phone call from Income Tax demanding money that you owe?

A friend’s husband received a phone call that he owed money to income tax and, if he didn’t pay it immediately, they would put a hold on his bank account. Unfortunately, he didn’t discuss this with his wife and removed $7,000 (they’re whole savings) from the bank. He sent the money to the con artists through bitcoin. They had to borrow funds just to pay the rent.

I hope you know never to give out personal information over the phone or in an email. Never reveal your visa number or banking information.

I got conned. Ever heard of Slimband? Gastric banding? There was a commercial for it on television 3-4 years ago. When speaking with the “doctors” there, they bestowed all the miracle advantages for gastric banding. There were no side effects and no limits for consumption. They guaranteed that if you ate properly, you would lose weight.

These “doctors” (were they truly doctors? I don’t know) took advantage of fat, vulnerable, depressed women. W5 (a Canadian TV investigative program) reported on this clinic, proving it was a scam. The band doesn’t work. The diet they put you on is so severe anyone would lose weight on it even without the lap band.

In March of 2015, I traveled to Toronto to have the gastric banding operation. I attended at a medical clinic near St. George and Bloor Street. (The clinic is now closed and boarded up.) I lost weight before the operation because they put me on a strict liquid diet before and after the operation. But the minute I had a regular meal, I gained weight.

Since I realized the band doesn’t work (and had confirmation of that), I had it removed on July 24th. I needed 6 small incisions all over my stomach. I recovered well from the operation with only the incisions hurting until they healed. And they healed great. I’m all better now.

Now I can eat without it getting stuck. I can drink after eating. (With the band, you had to wait 10 minutes until you could drink or the liquid would get stuck behind the food.) I also could feel a foreign substance in my stomach and I’m so glad now that feeling has gone.

I’m now involved with a class action lawsuit, but it’s just in the beginning stages.
​
New news: After hiring someone to help with my novels, we decided to start with A Discerning Heart. It has a new cover (in the works), a new title: Sail to my Heart, a new subtitle: An Adult Folktale about a Fisherman, a Mermaid, and an Unexpected Life’s Lesson.

And a new back cover blurb which is:
‘No friends. No family. No respect. As the worst fisherman in his village, lonely “Dim Jim” is an easy target and the butt of every joke.
 
One day, the thought strikes him: “If I can do something truly extraordinary, I’m sure to be accepted!” So, Jim sets his sights on capturing the elusive green tail fish - a feat that locals have only fantasized about.
 
Soon after setting sail, Jim encounters wicked storms, threatening a quick end to his plan - and quite possibly his life. Yet as luck would have it, Jim not only escapes a brush with death but also stumbles upon an amazing discovery that gives him the key to reinventing his life, allowing him to return home a local hero. Now catapulted to a position of power and fame, women and wealth were Jim’s for the taking, and he is finally happy … at first.
 
But he can’t shake the anger and resentment buried deep inside himself. And as the fame and fortune wane, Jim’s vengeful nature and behaviors start to resurface, and people begin to wonder who he really is. But Jim will stop at nothing to prevent detection, while exacting unbridled revenge on anyone who crosses him.
 
Enter a world of adventure, romance, and suspense in this gripping tale, with page-turning twists and a truly unexpected conclusion.’
 
It will be re-published in a couple of months. I’ll let you know when.
 
Have fun,
Patty

On Thursday, June 14th, 2018, I flew home from London, England, after spending 5 days in Essex, 5 days in Ireland (Dublin and Cork) and 5 days in north London.

​I have 2 close friends in England. I met them in Israel in the early 1980s and we have remained friends ever since. I do telephone them every couple of months (it’s cheaper for me to call them) and we meet every 5 years or so but, when we meet, it’s like we were just together the week before. I’m very lucky to have them as friends. 

​You may not believe this, but the weather was amazing. It was hot (25-27 Celsius) and sunny with blue skies every day. No one could believe the beautiful weather. I even got a good tan!

I guess the highlight of the trip was visiting Blarney Castle and kissing the Blarney stone. It was so busy that it took 2 hours waiting in line from outside the castle up to the stone, but luckily behind me was a lovely, young Belgium couple who chatted with me the whole time.
​
Do you know how you have to kiss the stone? You have to sit down, lean back, hold onto 2 long poles, bend over and kiss the stone upside down. That was a lot of fun. Kissing the stone gives you the gift of eloquence.

In Ireland, I spent my time between Dublin and Cork. I took the 2½ hour train ride between them and viewed some fabulous countryside. Saw lots of cows. The train is very comfortable with 4 seats on each side, facing each other with a table in between. There was a socket for plugging in anything and wifi on the train. Also a cart comes by with sandwiches, donuts, coffee, pop, etc. I had a delicious egg sandwich on a multi-grain bread and a fantastic cup of strong coffee.
​
I enjoyed Dublin and Cork. Spent much time walking around the city centres. Dublin is very clean and huge with interesting modern homes with ancient churches and buildings. There were lots of trash containers with a place to put out a cigarette. It was very beautiful.

While in Dublin, I went to the Guinness factory. You take the tour at your own pace, while reading plaques all over the 4 floors, all about making the Guinness beer. The 5th floor was a 360 degree window, highlighting Dublin. You also received a free pint of Guinness, which I loved. People here told me I wouldn’t like Guinness because it’s so dark and a stout, but I loved it. It’s so delicious.
​
But, while in Cork, you drink a variety of Guinness called Murphy’s which is similar to Guinness but a little sweeter. Had a few pints of that at pubs in Cork.

​My last day in England was spent at the Globe theatre to watch the Shakespearean play: As You Like It. It was well acted and very funny. My seat was on the 3rd/top level right in front, but a family of parents and two young kids sat beside me and talked during the whole performance, driving me nuts. I gave them dirty looks but they didn’t stop.

At intermission, I spoke with the usher and asked if she could please tell them to not talk during the performance. I spent the intermission looking out a window at the crowd below. A few minutes later, the usher came up to me and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t tell them to stop talking but I will speak to the manager.” I thanked her and returned to my window.

Then the manager came up to me and asked, “Would you like to move?” I said, “I’d love to,” and she pointed to a seat right in the front. She escorted me there and even gave me a free pillow. (The seats are all hard wood and you butt does get a little sore so was so nice to have a pillow to sit on.) The seat was fantastic in first row level with the stage. Pays to complain eh?

All in all, it was a marvelous trip. I have learned to eat better after eating at my friends’ home because they both eat very healthy. I have also changed some other facets of my life because of the trip; like not drinking Glucerna every morning or listening to a movie before I go to bed. I didn’t do either of these things while away so got used to go without them.

There’s nothing better than travelling somewhere and hearing new things, seeing new things and feeling new things. It’s always an experience and I always grow more as a person.

​Have fun,
Patty

I’m free for the first time in 22 years, and I couldn’t be happier.
​
My poor Kira was put to sleep on Monday, April 9th, just shy of her 17th birthday. She was sick and might have died on her own in a few days, but I couldn’t let her suffer. I had the weekend with her and I gave her as much love as possible. I also took loads of pictures of her. She was so photogenic.

That Monday morning, I woke up to 3 piles of shit on the floor, one I stepped in. I put her out in the backyard and she just walked around in circles. I had to go outside and carry her in, and she was shivering.

I was with her when she died and it was very sad but damn it, I’m free. I just can’t believe it. It feels so weird to be here alone. I keep looking for Kira or in a panic that I have to put her out. She was a lot of work this past year, and I don’t think she ever truly acclimatized to this new home.

I made a long list over the last few months of all the things I wanted to do after Kira dies. I’ve been planning trips for years, and now I can book them. I can’t believe I’m finally free to follow my dreams.

First dream is to travel to England in June to visit two close friends. One friend and I are going to Ireland for 6 days. We’re landing in Dublin, where we’ll spend a few days, then renting a car and driving south to Cork where we’ll fly back to England.

Another dream is to play in a poker tournament in Las Vegas. Through my poker site, I met a guy who lives in Kingston, Ontario. He’s been to Vegas over 30 times so he’s going to show me around Vegas; to all the poker tournaments and cheap places to eat. I’d love to spend a week just playing poker. And now we can plan that trip probably in October or November.

In September, a friend and I are going to Ottawa for a few days. I haven’t been there since I was a kid and it’s such a great city. Lots of great restaurants and museums. I’d like to go through the parliament buildings because I haven’t done that yet. It’s very beautiful inside.

In January, I’m going to an all inclusive resort in Jamaica for 9 days. I’m just going to sit in the sun with a book and a margarita. It will be so great having no responsibilities, and I won’t have to worry about anything but relaxing.

So, my life has changed 100% and I couldn’t be happier. It’s a new chapter in my life and I look forward to living it.

​Have fun,
Patty